London – Day 34 of lockdown

It was to be London Marathon day today. It would have been a glorious day for marshaling. Perhaps a little warm for running it.

I remember before we moved from ‘normal’ times to these strange times, for many, their biggest concern was whether or not the London Marathon, and other big city marathons, were going ahead. Some thought that a few cancellations before London was being overly cautious.

I had been seeing the numbers infected with this bloody virus expand, as well as the countries affected. I could see what was coming. Certainly not the detail but clear trends were emerging, and in Europe, Italy was starting to be hit, and hit hard.

I had a place at this year’s marathon, deferred from last year. But due to a dodgy knee, and even without living through a global pandemic, I wouldn’t have been able to run it.

It’s been postponed until October. It may not go ahead. Or it might go ahead but only include the elite runners. It’s too early to tell.

I miss running. I miss moving to a point of utter exhaustion. There is something comforting about pained exhaustion. It’s different in quality to other sorts of pain. I’ve had a slipped disc in my lower back a few times, that is a screaming pain I do not miss.

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been testing my running legs a little. And I mean a little. It might just be 20, 50, 100 or so metres. Just to get the feel back.

Today I walked and ran a little, through Sydenham Woods, the Dulwich College playing field now open to the public, and even did a circuit of the running track. It felt good. All in all, it was maybe a mile. I have no idea. I didn’t time it. I didn’t measure it. It was joy.

I’ve chatted with friends. Had a coffee over video.

Outside remains quiet except for birdsong. Currently listening to some Björk.

In the world outside my bubble, decisions keep being made that confound me. People are still flying into the UK and not going into quarantine which seems increasingly the norm in various countries including Australia, where I’m from.

The rate of infection seems to be slowing. As of 5pm yesterday, another 413 deaths bring the total to 20,732. But there are too many caveats to have any confidence. There are fewer people on weekends to get deaths reported on the system. The timelag for deaths at home or in care homes is too great. While testing is slowly being expanded to other key workers, there is still no widespread community testing.

I’m confused by how little we’re hearing in the media from the frontline, particularly from care homes, and from paramedics and others who will be called out to deaths in the home.

Many will be dying who don’t need to. Many of these will be people who have conditions they may or may not know about who aren’t getting the care they need. Some of this is down to health resources being diverted to deal with this immediate emergency. Others may be people who are ill with things other than the virus who don’t want to ‘burden the NHS’ by going into urgent or emergency care units, and/or too fearful of going into health settings due to concerns about catching the virus. Thankfully messaging is getting louder that health services are functioning and if needed, are there for things beyond the immediate emergency.

There will be other factors at play at well. Stress, anxiety, for whatever reason, can have a devastating impact on health outcomes. Health inequalities exist and what’s concerning is the gap will widen. It’s not just about death. It’s also about healthy years lived. The right policy response to this is critical.

I have reduced my media consumption of the horrors that this pandemic brings to the world. Doing so has helped clear my mind a little. I feel I have a functioning brain again. But I will continue to follow what goes on. I will have rants. I will rage. I’ll have good days and not such good days. I am the stage of lockdown that I’m growing in confidence that I might come out of this with my sanity, and perhaps even with some new friends.

So that’s it for Day 34. Stay safe, stay well, and stay home!