I’m in an unreasonably grumpy mood today. Or perhaps it’s perfectly reasonable. I’ve had a few of these days during lockdown. I think it comes from wanting my ‘old normal’, not this ‘new normal’.
I want to be able to get on a bus, get off at London Bridge and then wander down to Westminster. I might stop and have a coffee along the way. Perhaps a little window shopping at the Oxo Tower. I might wander into Tate Modern to have a look, to wonder at whatever is on display in the Turbine Hall, perhaps meeting a friend there. Or I might head to Royal Festival Hall with a good book, and my notebook as I’m always scribbling down random stuff, and check out the event of the day – dancing, music, a performance. Just hang out. Just be surrounded by people. I’d then walk down past the London Eye and very likely get irritated with all the tourists in my way. Especially on a day like today when I have itchy feet, and while it’s a lot cooler and stupidly windy, it’s sunny. I want to have a day where I get exhausted from walking and being out in the world.
But this is not doable during lockdown. A lockdown that who the hell knows when it will end.
To put it simply, I’m bloody frustrated.
I think it builds on this underlying anxiety in these strange times that I can’t seem to shake. It sits under my skin. It sits in my shoulders.
Another 717 reported deaths since 9am yesterday and 9am today. Some might be tempted to say it’s a drop in numbers. It won’t be. There will be too many deaths that haven’t yet made it as part of the count. There seems to be some leveling off of numbers but hard to know given the limited number of tests being done. Social distancing rules won’t be relaxed any time soon. In the last 24 hours, 92 care homes have experienced an outbreak. I try not to think about it too much. The thought of it, of what staff and families and friends and those who are ill are dealing with…no words.
On top of that, government has announced the development of a coronavirus tracing app only there’s been very little information on how it will be used, where the data goes, what happens to that data. Yes, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, ‘a war’. That doesn’t mean concerns about privacy and all things data should just get thrown out the window. If they want us to download this once it’s developed, then all of this will need to be clearly explained with clear responsibilities and accountability to be spelled out in case it goes wrong and/or there are unintended consequences. There also needs some independent folks reviewing not just once, but on an ongoing basis.
I tried to get out of this mood by getting stuff done. To finally dyeing my hair, there was way too much grey showing. By going for a walk around random streets around Dulwich. I got some work done.
Tomorrow will be another day. And very likely one in which I’ll be in a much better mood. I’m not very good at being grumpy for too long. The frustration will pass. It will pop up every now and again. It is what it is.
Here’s to the occasional grumpy day!
So that’s it for Day 21. Stay safe, stay well, and stay home!